Han and his family have been in the Netherlands for a while. han finally feels at home in the nice neighborhood where they now live, even though it is very different from their home in China. They soon meet most of their new neighbors. The neighbors are very friendly. When Han sees them on the street or in his store, they sometimes chat. Some neighbors then ask about his country and his family still there. He likes that.
Still, Han is confused. “I invited the neighbor, Anna, and her family to come over for real Chinese tomato soup sometime. But they haven’t been yet, they haven’t even answered.” Han was looking forward to Anna tasting the delicious tomato soup and being able to be together, with the children. She and the other neighbors are friendly, but also quite distant.
Anna thinks Han is a fine neighbor. He, his wife and children are very enthusiastic. They wave and smile when they meet. “You hear a lot about China in the news. When I saw Han the other day, I stopped and asked how things were going. He invited our family to join him for dinner. I hardly know him yet and of course it’s very busy. I said I was going to discuss it at home. Nice that he wanted to do that. But everything in its time. Right?”
Where is the connection?
Han invited the family because he thought Anna’s interest would be the beginning of a friendly relationship between the neighbors. A meal would make the relationship stronger and bring the families closer together. Han comes from a we culture and likes to share his hospitality with everyone.
In the Netherlands, with a strong I culture, a distinction is often made between friends and acquaintances such as people at school, in the street, on the sports field, at work, and so on. Friends are usually invited home, but acquaintances are not; you see them where you know them from. Han tries to get to know his neighbors better. But Anna doesn’t need to. The schedule is already so busy and she hardly gets around to friends.
Still, Anna might accept the invitation. Nor does it have to fit exactly into the agenda. Eating that soup together is already very nice. Such moments are very important to the Chinese. They are the beginning of a bond of trust between neighbors. And they won’t walk out the door after that. Or, if Anna prefers to keep some distance, she can also suggest a picnic in the park. Both families can bring food. Each something from their own kitchen. That way, for Anna, there are no obligations. And for Han, such a picnic is already a very nice way to be together.
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Important to know
This anecdote is based on stories shared with us. Connect2Us strives to highlight the dilemma from both sides. Not to label people. Or to suggest that one or the other should behave differently. Awareness by those involved is enough to move towards each other. Without pretending to be completely different. Connect2Us aims to help readers recognize and avoid prejudice. Read about prejudice, discrimination and racism here.
