Manny is 19 years old and is from the Philippines. He recently moved to the Netherlands. The weather is nice and he is strolling through his new city, Haarlem. He knows he looks good and embeds the Dutch women very nice. They seem to be very open. ls he walks past a terrace, a young woman looks at him and smiles kindly.
Another view
“How nice that she’s smiling,” Manny thought, what a friendly smile. “Maybe she wants to get to know me!” He walks back and sits down next to her to have a chat. But she seems angry and tells him to go away! Manny doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to be a burden! “But then why is she smiling at me, playing a game with me? “
Esther, is the name of the girl on the terrace. She is sitting in the sunshine on a terrace and then a boy passes by wearing a jacket just like one of her friends. “Nice jacket is that!”, she thinks and smiles at him. But then the boy comes up to her and sits down next to her just like that! Esther felt a little threatened and tell him to go away. “I don’t mean to be rotten, but I can just smile at someone, can’t I? ” she thinks.
The circumstances
You never know why a young woman smiles at a young man. Maybe he looks good, maybe she just wants to be nice, maybe she likes his jacket. It is good to know that Dutch women are very good at making eye contact and smiling, without wanting to create expectations in men. For Dutch women, that feels like freedom. The woman is free to make and break contact at any time.
Where is the connection?
Manny must realize that eye contact and a friendly smile usually don’t mean much in Holland. People in Holland tend to have easy, but more superficial, contact with strangers. He might walk on, or, while continuing to do his own thing, sit in another spot on the terrace to see if she makes contact again.
For Esther, it can be nice to realize that (eye) contact in other, especially us-cultures, has more connotations. Not necessarily sexual, but to make friends, to be together. Having a moment to yourself is often translated as being lonely. Instead of feeling threatened, she can kindly tell Manny that there is a misunderstanding and that she prefers to be alone.
Explanation
In the Dutch I-society, people value time and space for yourself. Sitting alone on a terrace has nothing to do with loneliness, in most cases. Moreover, the Netherlands has a culture where equality is important. Also between men and women. Women choose their own moments to accept or seek contact. As a result, “signs,” such as a friendly smile, which have quite a charge in other cultures, are often not important in the Netherlands.
Awareness of and mutual respect for these differences help Manny and Esther move toward each other and be better neighbors to each other.
Want to read more about culture dimensions?
Important to know:
This anecdote is based on stories shared with us. Connect2Us strives to highlight the dilemma from both sides and not to label people or suggest that one or the other should behave differently. We see in our daily intercultural work that awareness by those involved is enough to move toward each other without pretending to be very different. Connect2Us aims to help readers recognize and avoid prejudice. Read about prejudice, discrimination and racism here.
